I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
