apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
