In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
