I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
