yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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