not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ladies don't puke and tell
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
