it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
