You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
