38 yer olds are good kisserssss
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
