Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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