Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize