i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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