You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
