Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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