I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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