After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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