I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
