"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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