i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
