Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
