I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
