Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
accomplished twins. life is a go
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
