why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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