I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
