Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
