Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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