I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
