i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
