there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
