we have officially lost it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
