Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
