I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
