Moan for me like Helen Keller
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
