He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
