I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
