Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
