So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
