he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
