oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
