no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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