i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize