So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
