yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
