speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
