Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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