woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
