yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
