Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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