I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
