I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
