Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
