those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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