OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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