I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
