Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
