I feel like I'm in dance class right now
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
