Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
