Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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