Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
