You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
