I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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