I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
