Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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