Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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