Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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