Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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