I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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