I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
