New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
