i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
