Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
