So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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