That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Terrible idea I love it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
